What Defines You
by Red Tigress
Summary: She found the billionaire-genius-playboy-philanthropist minutes later. Crouched where the wall met the floor, arms covering his head, trembling, wheezing, and wide-eyed, he was suddenly none of the self-appointed descriptors. (Natasha-Tony friendship fic.One-shot.)


_He found himself at the pier again, but this time silence prevailed. There was no President to save. No fires, no explosions. No backup. No bad guys. For now, he was alone. But he knew they were coming for him._

_He had his suit to protect him._

_The first burning figure stepped out of the darkness, skin crackling with heat and flame as his mouth twisted into a sneer._

_Tony blasted him away, and tried to pretend to himself he didn't see a limb fly off._

_He heard a howl as the second one leapt from the top of a shipping crate, screaming savagely as ashes flew from his body._

_Tony brought both arms to bear. The repulsors fired, and in a flare of light sent the man careening into the side of a crate. His body lay broken, limbs akimbo. It still smoldered and Tony turned away. _

_There was another scream, and something grabbed him from behind. He could feel the heat melting his suit, smell the scent of burning metal and plastic and smoke assailing his nostrils. He grunted as his HUD turned red, trying to shake off the enemy before he was cooked alive. An impossibly hot force was melting the armor around his neck. He could feel the skin beginning to burn, and the agony of hot metal far, far too close._

_He reached behind him, firing his repulsors at full blast as he did so. He heard the sound of flesh exploding and immediately the heat and pressure eased up. He spun around, breathing hard, looking at the still body on the ground in front of him._

_Pepper's eyes stared back at him accusingly, even in death. _

_***AV*AV*AV***_

Tony fell to the floor, drenched in sweat. His legs were tangled up in the sheets and he tried to rip them away, gasping as he did so. He kicked viciously, clawing his way back on top of the bed. His eyes widened when he saw Pepper wasn't there.

He sucked in a trembling breath, before remembering she was in Malaysia on business.

_Safe. She's safe._

He lowered his forehead to the mattress, trying to even out his breathing. Small tremors wracked his body, making him curl his fingers and hold on to the bed like it was a lifeline.

It was only after he had been sitting there for about five solid minutes did he realize Jarvis had been trying to speak to him.

"S'fine-" Tony cleared his throat so his voice would come out more stable. "It's fine, J."

There was a beat of silence before Jarvis answered. "Sir, it's 2:38 AM in New York, making it 2:38 PM in Malaysia. Would you like me to call Miss Potts?"

_Shall I call Ms. Potts?_

Tony could feel his heart start to race again and he broke out into a new cold sweat. He lurched upwards, pushing towards the door of his room. He had to get out.

He could feel the panic attack building, building, building. Like watching a landslide start and knowing no way to stop it. His vision tunneled, and he leaned heavily against the hallway wall, sinking to his knees as he was assailed with images of death, fire, water, space, and blood. His breaths were coming in panicked wheezes now, and he couldn't see anything in front of him.

Just visions made painfully real.

_***AV*AV*AV***_

Natasha had dreams of her own.

She had accepted them as just a fact of life. She had done terrible things, and had had terrible things happen to her. These things kept her awake at night. It was how it would always be.

She read at the tower. Fantasy novels to keep her mind well away from the horrors of actual life. She was awake now with one, the New York skyline ironically providing the perfect calming backdrop for a tale of medieval knights.

"Agent Romanov, I was hoping you could assist Mr. Stark. He is…could use help."

Natasha raised an eyebrow at Jarvis' hesitation. She frowned, remembering that everyone else was on various missions or away for work, so it was just her and Tony in the tower. That explained it.

But she knew Tony didn't trust her like some of the others. He always thought she had an ulterior motive. A fair assessment, but it still hurt.

After everything they'd been through.

"Jarvis, I'm not sure I can provide-"

"Please." She stood up reluctantly. Jarvis didn't usually cut people off. And he never sounded _pleading_.

"Alright. Where is he?"

Jarvis told her.

She found the billionaire-genius- playboy-philanthropist minutes later. Crouched where the wall met the floor, arms covering his head, trembling, wheezing, and wide-eyed, he was suddenly none of the self-appointed descriptors.

He was just a man.

Just a man, like the rest of them.

She couldn't stop herself from looking around again, even though she knew no one was there. She was not the right person to handle this.

She leaned down right behind him. "Stark?" she asked softly. She waited a moment for a reply, but nothing changed. She tried again more firmly. "Stark."

Still nothing. She kneeled down, reaching a hand out to touch his shoulder as he gently said, "Tony."

When her fingers light brushed against him, Tony flinched violently and slammed into the wall. Natasha pulled back her hand like she had been burned. The physical motion, however, seemed to wake Tony up, and he turned his head slightly, meeting her eyes.

In a masterful way only befitting of a world-class spy that was renown for her quick-thinking skills, she said "Um…"

She bit down on the inside of her cheek, unsure of where to go next. Tony wasn't exactly her friend, still didn't quite trust her enough, still avoided her on a personal level. He blinked, his trembling slowing down, as he began to realize where he was. And then, who he was with.

"H-hi," he stumbled. "I just…I'll just…um, never mind, just…" he stumbled over his words as disastrously as possible. Natasha had never seen him like this before, without any of his walls. His eyes glanced around at everywhere but her face, and he put one hand on the wall trying to pull himself up.

She stood up, gingerly reaching one hand under his arm to guide him. He flinched again, but it wasn't as violent. She tried to maintain a professional detachment, but it was clear that the time she had invaded his life still caused a gap between them.

Her eyes softened as she watched the man who spent so much time building walls suddenly crumble without them. "They're getting worse," she said quietly.

He didn't answer right away, choosing instead to lean heavily against the wall and brush himself off. She didn't miss the way how his right hand clutched his left bicep tightly for a few moments, or how his left hand covered the space on his chest where his arc reactor used to be. He still didn't meet her eyes.

The silence stretched between them, uncomfortable and unforgiving. Finally he sighed, then let out a bitter laugh. "Superheroes aren't supposed to have panic attacks," he mumbled.

"They're not supposed to have anger management problems either," Natasha said quietly. "Or wake up in the middle of the night remembering Nazi war camps. Or be master assassins and murderers." Tony glanced at her then before quickly looking away. "Point is…" she searched for words. "We're non-conventional. We do what we do because we can. There's no one else." Tony remained silent

Tony grimaced, pushing away from the wall. He stood there quietly for a moment, before turning to walk away. He took one step before he paused, looking back over his shoulder at her. He gave her a weak smile- the kind that she hated, that was full of falseness that she dealt with on a regular basis. The kind that coming from her teammate dug deeper and cut sharper than she cared to admit.

"Maybe I'm just bad at pretending."

He started to turn again, but she dashed forward, grabbing his wrist. He didn't flinch this time, but he looked surprised and angry. He opened his mouth to say something awful, she was sure, but she interrupted him.

"I'm sorry," she said, desperation leaking into her voice.

"I-what?"

"I never apologized. For…for betraying your trust," she finished.

He started to pull his wrist away, but it was a gentle, calculated motion. Not harsh in the least. "Since when do you apologize?"

"Almost never." She smiled. "Please, Stark. Tony." She met his gaze steadily. "We have to trust each other. There's no one else."

Tony just stared back at her a moment. "That's…something I'll have to work on."

"Well…as long as you're willing to try."

He nodded. "I am."

She nodded back, giving a small smile. "Thank you." She struggled for something else to say, how to tell him the only person she had ever trusted was Clint. How she had never had anything close to a team. Or a family. "It…means a lot."

Tony looked a little uncomfortable, again at a loss for words. But it wasn't the unwanted silence from earlier. Just a bit of awkwardness. That was fine. She would take it.

"Do you…want to make coffee with me?" she ventured.

He snorted lightly, smiling at her. "I'm glad someone keeps the same hours as me."


End file.
